i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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