Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
