sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
