I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
