So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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