My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
fuck your aforementioned shoe
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
