Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
