somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
