she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
