the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
