so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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