is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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