Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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