I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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