If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
