Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
