party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
