He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Two words: blizzard sex
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
