he wants to bone in the snuggie
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
