I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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