I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
