she kept yelling 'call me bella'
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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