I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
