My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
sarcasm needs its own font
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
