took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
