hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
