i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
