i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
