and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
