I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
