garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Someone shattered a urinal.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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