I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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