i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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