I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
