I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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