And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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