just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
