i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
