Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
