you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
