she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
