mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Just took my morning after pill in the library
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
