I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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