Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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