i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
