we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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