i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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