I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Randomize
