it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
