Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
