I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
