I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
