i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
