I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
