I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
