FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
