why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Randomize
