is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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