I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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